my meditation practice

 I "sit" for at least 15 minutes a day, usually first thing in the morning right after drinking a green drink. I sit in a big wingback chair at the window of our bedroom and close my eyes. I let go of everything – images, thoughts, memories, events, the future – just being with awareness. Sometimes I begin with sensations – breathing in and out, the feel of the chair, subtle sounds coming from outside like birds, a train, distant highway traffic, or inside, like my husband's cough. If thoughts, images, or memories come to mind, I say to myself "I am one with that thought/image/memory." It has gotten easier to stay in that empty awareness since I first tried to meditate this way, without a recorded guide on YouTube. I heard a guru say that if you can sit for 15 minutes a day then in three months you will feel awakening. I started this regular practice soon after hearing that, 17 days ago, October 3rd.

The good news is that the more I do it, the more often I have glimpses of a deep, direct clarity. A feeling of absolute knowing that is unlike the rest of my moments. I try to consciously stay aligned with Presence throughout the day. Sometimes I go hours without being conscious of it. Some days I manage to stay conscious almost nonstop, but those are few. I suppose it's easier for me in my situation than it might be if I were still working. I am home most days, and I can't do much activity because of sciatica. Regardless of how much of the day I am consciously aligned with Presence, it is rare to feel that direct absolute knowing. I have felt that a handful of times.

A recent example of that absolute knowing and clarity was during a morning meditation when a thought came into my head, "I want to write again." (I used to have a blog 2006-2012, and I adored writing there; I also used to write poetry, starting in the 1990s.) I didn't banish the thought ("I want to write again"), and immediately I felt overwhelmed with a feeling of complete and utter joy, peace, and love. Tears instantly flowed. Because this came right after my thought about writing, I had a sense that this Awareness (sometimes I call this awareness "God") loved my writing, wanted me to write. It felt like this was my sacred calling. I have had this feeling about writing more than once in the past year.

I think the trick here is to just let all this happen. I'm not forcing myself to focus when I meditate. I'm just closing my eyes and being, without getting distracted by all the stuff that passes to and fro. Same with writing. Before coming here to the blog to write, I spend time sitting, or in the hammock with the sun on my face, listening and waiting. 

I am a unique individual experiencing expressions of consciousness from Awareness, through my earthly existence. How I bring this Awareness to the world around me unfolds naturally. Right now it feels pretty quiet, uneventful, almost boring if I perceive it through the filter of another observer. But I'm not judging it. I'm just letting it happen as it comes. 

One thing I love about it is that this infinite eternal Awareness is IN ME, it IS ME. When I'm aligned, I can choose to do as I wish, what I want, what seems right. My intuition comes alive. I am an authority in this. I am God's child.